If you’re not Nigerian or African, this might not be an issue for you, especially if you live in a more liberal society. On the other hand, if you’re Nigerian and you’re a single guy/lady, pull your chair closer. I want to talk with you
SINGLENESS OR BEING SINGLE IS NOT A DISEASE THAT NEEDS TO BE CURED
Oops, I’m Sorry. Did I yell that? Probably because I’ve said it so many times and no one seems to be listening.
I live in a society (Nigeria my beloved country), where being single is treated like a stigma. There was a time when parents, uncles, aunties, and friends didn’t mention anything about marriage until the lady is at least 30 years old. For guys it was around 33 and upwards. As time passed, seasons changed, the age for giving or getting the “so you’re still single” stink eye reduced
For ladies it came down to 28, 26. Now nobody cares about your age anymore. So long as you have graduated from University, you should be married. Infact you should have an engagement ring on your finger, your certificate in one hand, and your graduation cap and gown on. Guys are also victims of this ignorant cultural mindset but ladies have it worse.
This has led to a generation of young ladies who are constantly under pressure, whether self inflicted or family and friends inflicted. This pressure makes them use up 75% of their creative juices on finding a husband. Some even use as much as 99.5% of their creative juices on this task, the remaining 0.5% is used for eating and breathing.
The worse part is, this desperate manhunt has also led to a generation of arrogant young men, who believe that marrying a lady is an act of benevolence on their part. So they expect the poor ladies to build altars in their honour and whenever they misbehave in the marriage, the ladies should take it without complaining because they pulled them out of the pit called SINGLENESS wherein is no water. Absolute nonsense!
The Tough Lady Generation
There’s yet another generation of ladies, who in a bid to push back at the ignorant cultural mindset that sees singleness as a stigma, they have gone to the other extreme. They live by the code “what a man can do, a woman can do better and in heels too” and if you tell them otherwise, they might bite you.
Also, they believe that the world will be a better place without men, Afterall why do they need men? They can have babies without men, they can build roads, build houses, infact they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them (so long as Christ is not a man)
I don’t subscribe to this school of thought and for very good reasons but that’s a topic for another day.
The purpose of Singleness
Let me tell you what being single means from my understanding. It is a phase of life!
It is not a disease, it is not a pit, it is simply a phase of life.
Life is in phases. When you were born, that was one phase. When you were weaned off breast feeding, that was another phase. Starting school was yet another phase. The thing with life’s phases is, if you take your current phase for granted or fail to take full advantage of it, you are bound to make a mess of the next phase. Every phase you find yourself is a launch pad for the next.
Marriage is a phase of life that only ends in death. That’s the way God meant it to end when He created the institution. Phases come and they pass, but you might wonder how come marriage is a phase but it doesn’t pass as is typical of phases. Well that’s because every other phase in life takes place within the institution of marriage. There are phases in your life that God has orchestrated in a way that will turn out great when you embark on them with a spouse.
I say all this to ask, since you feel that you’re tired of being single and you’re ready to take the next step. Do you believe that you are prepared to go through the other phases of life with a partner? You know it’s one thing when you make all the decisions. You bare all the consequences alone whether good or bad. When someone else is involved, it’s a different ball game. I’m not saying this to scare you rather I say this to prepare you. Afterall you take quality time to prepare for exams that affect your career. Why do you think that when it comes to something as important as marriage, that can alter your life for good or bad, it’s okay to learn on the job?
Your Single phase is your opportunity to prepare. Marriage is a phase that wouldn’t end till death at a ripe old age (that’s what we pray for.) I’m not saying that preparation for marriage is the sole purpose of your single phase but that’s the subject of this post so keep reading.
Doting the I’s and crossing the T’s
The fact that you’re a good cook doesn’t automatically make you a good husband/wife. You can cook up a storm in the kitchen and still be as dumb as a door nail when it comes to other aspects of marriage.
The fact that you have a pretty face and a gorgeous figure to go with it, doesn’t mean you know how to be a good friend talk more of a good spouse. Beauty fades very quickly when other important aspects are missing.
Let’s say you’ve checked all the boxes on your list. You feel you’re so ready to get into the next phase called marriage. There is one box which happens to be the most important but still the most ignored. Probably because people believe it’s too much work. What am I talking about? I’m talking about your spiritual life. Your relationship with God. I don’t mean the dead relationship people claim to have with Jesus because they go to church every Sunday like they’re going to answer roll call. I mean a working, living relationship with Jesus. Like the type you have with someone you love, except deeper.
Do you know why I call this the most important box? because without it, you will be building your next phase on thin ice. A solid marriage can only be built on the one who created the institution in the first place, God!
So if you’re so done with being single, do you know how to cover your family Spiritually? This is especially important for you single men. You say you are ready to be the head of a home. You know being the head goes beyond being the breadwinner or getting the biggest portion of meat in the pot. The head is the leader, so if anything goes wrong in your home both spiritually and otherwise, guess who God’s gonna hold responsible
Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself
So before you put yourself under unnecessary pressure to get married. Before you start letting society dictate what happens in your life. Before the side glances of parents and other relations and friends get to you, read through this post and honestly ask yourself, “am I ready to get married?”
Don’t let anyone get into your head with the “are you not old enough to get married” talk. You’re only old enough to get married when you can be honest with yourself and you have checked all the IMPORTANT boxes. How long that takes, well that’s entirely up to you my dear.
Enjoy every bit of your single life because you can only be single once. Marriage is a beautiful thing, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, but it’s only beautiful when it’s done right.
Till next week, Stay blessed!!